Thoughts on men and women and what we were meant to be

I had this dream the other night. I don't think my life will ever be the same... because in this dream, I met the "god of the mountain," the god of C.S. Lewis' Till We Have Faces.

But the thing is, this beautiful dream of oneness and faithfulness I had, it raised some questions about what I believe about men and women and the role we have been thrust into. Such as, Why do women long so fiercely for one permanent mate, and men struggle so much with wanting as many as possible? How can these two extremes meet? What man is going to want to sit and knit booties with me on a log cabin porch when there are always younger, prettier girls to woo and touch?

Why is it so hard to believe that something I want so much will never happen? Is it because I have sabotaged myself by breaking up with several young men because I heeded the red flags a little later than I should have? Is it because each of them moved on so quickly?

It hurt when they moved on so easily. Even though I know in my head it was only logical, and was probably what they needed to do. It's just...aside from my father and other healthy folks around me, I've seen so many young men be unfaithful.

How do I know the next guy I let in isn't going to get bored one day and shove off? Decide it's a bad fit after all? Be of low character and unable to remain true to his commitments and vows underneath my perception of him? It has happened before.

And what about all those lovely girls who have never been pursued? Will no one ever discover them? Look twice? Take the challenge and go after one who isn't already chewed up by the other sharks?

Because that's what we feel like sometimes--bait. Raw meat. Bloody slabs of flesh floating like ducks on water waiting for a good sniffer to pick us out of the pile and consume us.

I don't mean to be cynical and morbid. But what I have described really is the way women feel sometimes--prostitutes, sex slaves, rape victims, harassment victims, porn stars, partners of porn addicts, girls at bars, girls near men with lust strongholds...

More often we feel like shells strewn as by the hand of an artist on a beach, lying there, some half buried, some glittering in the sunlight, waiting for a shell-gazer to come and find value in us, scoop us up, and take us home. Seeing as how there are so many to choose from, and most guys like to take their pick, what's to stop him from dropping a few as he sees prettier shells up ahead?

(I realize as I type that there is a redemptive aspect to this analogy; that every young person senses whether or not their friends are the kind of people that understand them, and every person has different preferences; so it kind of stands to reason that a young man would be eager to find that shell that aptly enunciates his personality. We can't fault him for dropping a few in search of the one that truly catches his eye, that most accurately expresses his personality, like a piece of art or music.)

We were made for loyalty; men and women alike. We were made for everlasting. We were made for, "I will never leave you or forsake you." We were made to believe that promise without hesitation, and believe it of each other too.

But...we are hurting. We are weak. Some of us are lustful and shifty and disloyal.

So we have Him--the god of the mountain, the one whom we fear will eat us alive. But He Who is the only one who fiercely and truly loves us; who will not eat us, who will choose us and put us in a special place for all eternity. We were made to let Him choose us and keep us. We were made to trust this in Him.

By trusting Him, we can feel safe again, and safe even from the boys who would give up on us.

By letting His promise into the deeeeeep places--letting it seep past lies and roots of lies and negative experiences--we can trust that people can be like Him, too. I can believe that a man will stay with me and knit booties on a cabin porch if I can trust that the Lover of my Soul, my Miracle Worker, will not go. He will not be scared or bored away.

And like this Lover, I can believe that a man will choose me not becuase I am convenient or expected of him or a even a good match...he will choose because he loves. And willingly "forsake all others."

My heart is afraid to believe he will come.

So I will believe that You have come, Do Di, Beloved. And that You will never leave. It's hard...but I will choose this promise over experience and fear.