There comes a moment in every life, perhaps unless one's life ends too soon, when one realizes one cannot go on the way one has gone on thus far.
This is not a superficial adjustment to circumstances. This is not a changed mindset resulting from a harrowing experience. This is more of a gut-level inner-reworking of one's lifestyle, mannerisms, personality even. And it's gradual, not sudden.
I'm not discounting those former situations as life-changing by any means; I only mean that my latter assertion is different than other types of life change.
Obviously I am writing this because I am currently experiencing a gradual inner-reworking. In my 25 years, I have most certainly undergone adjustment to circumstance and a changed mindset from harrowing experience. Today, I am honoring the change occurring inside of me as a new kind of change.
My dad put it thus today: "You lived your life a certain way up until now, and now you are making changes for the rest of your life." Changes that will prevent physical injury...
Maybe it's part of the "whole body" experience that the YMCA purportedly encourages: spirit, soul, body. (or maybe they say "spirit, mind, body"...?) At any rate, I am on the body right now.
I have to change the way I hold myself every second of the day. Change the way I sit, stand, bend, twist, turn, get in and out of bed, brush my teeth...pain teaches me where to move. I have to start strength training for the muscles I have never used as an average sedentary American. I have to pay attention to my posture; be aware of how I am standing; thoughtlessness will not be supported by my muscles anymore.
I am only 25, and it feels unfair. But what if my body is warning me against the future? Preparing me, if you will? Shielding itself against pregnancy, menopause, raising children, car wrecks, hiking accidents, a desk job...My muscles won't make it if they are atrophied or in crisis from the last 25 years of bad posture and lifting techniques.
This leads me into the vast amount of preparation that must take place in my life in the next 4 months before I move on to the next chapter. My mind, my soul, is undergoing a lot of steeling itself against major change. I wonder...I wonder if the unwinding of my spine coincides with the winding up of my soul.
All I know is that being aware of my body has never pressed itself so firmly into my consciousness. And my moment today is one in which I cannot go on with bad posture or carefree invincibility. I must plan my way...and trust Heaven to guide my steps.
